On May 25, 2012, I sent this email to some very special women in my family:
To my favorite ladies,
One of my trainees sent this to me in February and I just got around to watching it this morning. It is 20 minutes, so watch it over a cup of coffee tomorrow morning or something.
It is a beautiful message, and well worth watching. Being vulnerable is so scary, but its how I want to live my life! Living whole-heartedly!
Love you all,
So, we officially received word today that everything checked out great with Baby G at the anatomy scan. I feel like I am able to exhale now, and really take in the fact that Baby Garnett is going to be a part of our lives in just 20 weeks!
With this assurance, we are now ready to share our wonderful news with the world! But am I ready? Suddenly I find myself feeling incredibly nervous at just the thought of telling people. This perfect little secret that we have grown so accustomed to keeping for 5 months, is going to be public knowledge. This beautiful experience is going to be open to peoples opinions, questions, curiosities…
After Stephanie called me this afternoon to say she spoke with our midwife, Louise, I was ecstatic and immediately called Jeffrey. I didn’t even have to say anything-he just knew from the sound of my voice that we had received the call we were hoping for. My next thought was to call my mom who has been anxiously waiting to tell our extended family and friends. But, instead, I paused and took a few deep breaths. I allowed myself to feel my nerves and I allowed myself to feel my happiness. Walking across Bryant Park, I was smiling from ear to ear, as if I just found out that we were pregnant. I allowed myself to be in awe of where I am in my life. I allowed myself to acknowledge how far I have come and what this all means. We have a baby on the way. We really have a healthy baby on the way. The Garnett Family is growing!
And so I am reminded of the email that I sent to the special women in my life two years ago. In sharing with the rest of the world, and in being so transparent about this experience I am left feeling incredibly vulnerable. And that is where the nerves are coming from. I am about to charter unknown territory…to share something that I have been protecting and to share the details of what has been a deeply personal and difficult journey.
But out of this vulnerability, I know will come greatness.
“Being vulnerable is so scary, but its how I want to live my life!,” I said to my lovely ladies. I am proud to say that I am now living my life the way I so proclaimed I wanted to two years ago. And with this realization, everything that I have been through makes even more sense. So I picked up the phone and called my mamma.