Healing My Mind, Healing My Kidneys: How I Overcame a Diagnosis

Four years ago this month, I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD). At the time, I had never even heard of Kidney Disease. Nothing could have prepared me for that moment. That was the moment I was told I could not carry a child. That was the moment my dreams were taken away from me. I was scared and devastated and I had no idea how this diagnosis was going to change my life.

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Christmas past and Christmas present

Five years ago today, I had a miscarriage.

Jeff and I had been trying to conceive for almost 1 year, so when we found out that we were expecting, we were thrilled, but remained cautiously optimistic. Although we told two friends that had also been trying to get pregnant, we decided not to share our news with anyone else until we had confirmation that things were progressing well with the pregnancy.  

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The State of Surrogacy

Last week I revealed that Jeff and I were off to meet our new surrogate, Britany, in person for the first time. It was a very successful visit and we all got the medical and psychological approvals we were hoping for in order to move forward!

After sharing this news so many people asked me if our “pea” was now in Britany’s “pod.” It struck me that I have never shared exactly how long of a process the surrogacy journey can be and how things are extra complicated because we live in New York. 

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Moving Forward After Pregnancy Loss

I have heard it said that the only thing stronger than fear is hope.

This saying really speaks to me, but it’s a very hard concept to hold when you are in the middle of a miscarriage and there is absolutely nothing that you can possibly do to stop it or change it. And it is near impossible to be pregnant after a loss and not be worried that it might happen again. You wait for every single milestone - starting with your first few pregnancy hormone levels, to the heartbeat, to graduating into the second trimester, and so on…

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